If you really think about it, all of our actions are for one reason, and that reason is sex. Okay, when phrased like that, we all sound like sluts, but it’s more or less true. By evolution (and I apologize to those of you who don’t believe in it), all of our life decisions and motivation are driven by the prospect of love-making, or with better wording, up our potential of finding that special someone. Sure, getting a high-salary job is good for you (the idea of survival–more biology!), but guess what, women and men are attracted by power, by wealth. It all loops back to evolution, one way or another!
So, how do we find a mate? How can we find “the one”, and only “the one”, who we’re just destined to bump into and out of the blue start talking to and–woah, woah, woah. Stop right there. That right there is mistake number one, which immediately leads me to my very first bullet point:
1. There is no such thing as “The One”. Please, please change your mindset on this. Truth be said, there are many more, if not millions of people out there who you’re compatible with–enough to live with and be happy with for the rest of your life. The day you realize this is the day your chances of finding that special someone sky-rocket.
Be open to everyone you meet. No, chances are they’re probably not going to be a perfect partner, but give them a chance–things might just click (wink). If you’re talking to someone, and he or she does something that’s not in your laundry list of ideal traits, then you’ll be more inclined to dismiss them as non-compatible, when really, that might not be the case. So, don’t be narrow-minded, and open up to everyone you meet.
2. Be confident. Now, we’ve all heard this one, and simply put, it’s easier said than done. Fair enough. However, there are many things you can do to be that much more comfortable in your own skin. Realizing that you’re a one-of-a-kind, and a DGAFFER for judgers and haters is a long road, but doing things (albeit weird stuff half the time) like pep-talking yourself, working out (everyone admires a healthy-looking person!) picking up a hobby or sport, or even…
3. Talking to as many people as possible will help. You’d be surprised at how much it helps. Just by talking to people, and practicing, you’ll subconsciously be taking note of what’s socially a plus, and what’s socially…not so much. That, and it just makes you (and hopefully the person you’re talking to) generally happier, leading to a higher self-esteem. Yup, it feels good to positively interact with someone.
It helps your confidence. Cool. But, there’s some more chemistry going on here: you’re meeting new people, which means you’re meeting potential mates. The more people you talk to, the more likely you’ll find someone who you’re interested in, and vice-versa. This is by far the quickest way to find her, or him. It’s best to do this, and not be stuck in the mindset that something will happen by fate, or that he or she will come into your life by destiny–truth is, this is merely an excuse to not be proactive, and to put yourself out there.
4. Be charming. Hey, if you have the confidence, consider this a little bonus. It never hurts to throw in some game, or some charm–maybe toss in a wink here or there (just make sure it doesn’t come across as creepy), or some consistent eye-contact. Study up on body language, and apply it (an open body stance, for instance, shows dominance and confidence).
Finding that certain someone to share intimacy with is…hard, I agree. But I genuinely believe that if you love you for you, then you’re no doubt going to find someone to share that love with. Hopefully this list, albeit a surface-level one, helps you on your love hunt. It’s taking me 20 years and counting, so in no way are you behind in the race. Now, get out there and do your thing! Oh and by the way…
It’s true!
The QT Psychologist 