OK, the post gif doesn’t really relate to anything, but it was way too good to pass up. I mean, who doesn’t feel that way, every day? ESPECIALLY on Mondays.
Confidence-wise, today didn’t go as well as I thought it would, but then again, you can’t gain confidence overnight. Sigh, if only that was something you could just sleep on, and then magically have the very next day. Guess not.
I spent the first half of my day doing homework and studying by myself, which as of late, seems to be a recurring theme for me. Ever since the start of my sophomore year, I’ve been doing most things alone–studying alone, doing homework alone, eating alone. Even showering alone. Yup. I kid you not, I used to have shower parties (No, they wouldn’t be in the same stall as me, but we’d be showering at the same time. Don’t ask why).
I don’t really like comparing how things are now to how they were last year, especially when I backtrack on progress, but last year was just a better time. I’m pretty sure it’s not just all in my head, and that I’m crazy. I used to always be around people. Always. I’d know everyone on my dorm floor, and…blah, blah, blah. The point is, I had a community that was always there for me, a community that always had my back when I needed help; that fueled my confidence every day, for a year. Now, I don’t have that. Now, it feels like everyone’s shut me out their world. I’m on my own, basically…
I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for, though. On my dorm floor, I have 2 friends who I’m really close to; we’ve known each other for what, 6 years now? I’m so glad, SO glad that they’re living life by my side. I can only imagine how terrible my college experience would be without them…
Two of us were going to meet at The 8 (on-campus food) to get lunch, but even that, the thought of having to walk 2 buildings over alone gave me some anxiety. The path there was pretty narrow, so it’s inevitable that I’d have to walk pass a ton of people. And to me, that’s the most awkward thing ever–when do I make eye contact? Do I even make eye contact? Should I just stare at the ground, or smile and quickly look away? The truth is–and I wish I knew this earlier–it doesn’t matter.
No one truly cares what you do, and even if they do, it’d last for a good 30 seconds until they forget. I’m actually getting a lot better at this, not giving two butts about what people think. I make it my goal to always keep my head up, and never resort to looking at the ground. Sometimes, I even try to make eye contact, and not be the first one to look away. Sounds creepy, but it…actually isn’t. It makes the other person feel pretty good. There’s a fine line, though–just don’t make eye contact from too far away. That’d just be plain staring. Can’t say I haven’t done that by accident, though…
So, tomorrow’s a whole new day, another day for me to get that much closer to 100% confidence! And with that, I’m going to end on a Robert Downey Jr. gif, because when is it ever inappropriate for Robert Downey Jr. gifs. Good night, lovelies!
The QT Psychologist 